You may have noticed there’s been a lot of news in 2017. But UK news headlines have
been swamped by Brexit and Trump, two stories straddling the news landscape like the
Petronas Twin Towers. But like Kuala Lumpur itself, tucked away beneath the
behemoths there are plenty of smaller and more interesting places to be found.
Clickbait is a staple of online news but a good headline has
always been used to grab a reader’s interest. There’s little point in carefully
crafting an elegant and revealing article, then putting “Man Does Thing” in
100pt bold letters at the top – the attention (and more importantly the quantity) of
readers depends on a good headline.
Sometimes the story turns out to be less interesting than the
headline – in which case well done subs for attracting the eyes of jaded
readers. But often the headline barely scratches the surface – in which case
well done intrepid reporters for going where many of us wouldn’t. The stories
are occasionally pretty grim, more often frivolous, but always worth reading as
a distraction from the travails of a stressful day.
There are certain recurring themes among quirky headlines – there’s
a lot of sex, crime, animals and bodily
functions (often disturbing combinations of several of these), and celebrities always attract a quirky headline.
So below are presented a collection of the Headlines of the
Day of the Year 2017. I’ve grouped them into topics as best I can though as I've said, many stories cross boundaries. For some reason Jun 15th was such rich source of amazing headlines, so I gave that date a mini-section to itself. I
defy anyone to read some of these headlines without wanting to find out more.
(beware – there’s hours of reading
here, dip in & out or you’ll fry your brain and/or get the sack if you’re
at work).
There are too many sources to credit, so click through to
see the origins of such magnificent work, and once again many thanks to the headline
writers and subs who have taken a quirky story and turned it into a Headline of
the Day.
(Update - on the day I published this piece, a surgeon has been convicted of carving his initials into the liver of patients - I couldn't leave that out could I?)
(Update - on the day I published this piece, a surgeon has been convicted of carving his initials into the liver of patients - I couldn't leave that out could I?)
The Animal Kingdom
Children's band who are playing at the
Royal Albert Hall tonight are investigated by the RSPCA for 'decapitating a
GOAT in India'
(bonus pun points for that one)
(yes of
course it still counts!)
(*applause*)
(there's literally nothing more to the story than this brilliant headline)
The Human Body
(bonus
points for the pun again here)
(minus several points for that pun)
Sex (animal, vegetable, mineral, other...)
Italian model touring the country after
promising to perform sex acts on a million voters has her eye set on a Scottish
man with a bionic penis
Grinning dwarf leprechaun who posed with
youngsters after being booked for teen discos is revealed as a convicted SEX
OFFENDER
(may
not be sex, but y’know…)
Crime and Punishment
Woman
who married her own mother found guilty of incest after mum tells investigators
"we hit it off"
Food and Drink
Food and Drink and Crime and Punishment
Showbiz
(my
personal favourite)
June 15th Special - sex, animals, showbiz and food – ALL IN ONE DAY
Religion
Politics (sorry)
Nazis and War
(yes I know it’s really “food and drink” but there’s loads
of them & not many of these don’t @ me)
Striking Headlines to Grim Stories
If you made it this far, well done. 2018 can't compete with this lot - surely...
@MikeHolden42
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